KASALAN NA BA?

As I mentioned in my last post, my doctor advised me to stay at home and have my larynx (voice box) rest. Having nothing to do, I logged in to my Facebook account, browse a little and posted “I'm starting to like being a plain housewife”. After several minutes, I noticed that there were two people who “liked” my post. One of them was Kuya Rhex, my paternal cousin who commented “KASALAN NA BA LOT?”
(By the way “Lot” or “Lotlot” was my nickname when I was a kid, and yes, my name and that nickname were not in the same frequency hehehe!). Because of that, I realized that my cousins still don't know that my long-time boyfriend and I had already tied the knot last year.

I don't know how to answer his comment. I just read it over and over. Will I answer his question? How will I answer his question in a non-offensive way? Will I just ignore him? Why hadn't he noticed that I had already changed my marital status and surname on FB?

My dad has eleven siblings, and they have been living far away from each other since most of them were soldiers, businessmen and overseas contract workers (OFWs). As a result, I had only a few close cousins: my cousins from Uncle Jim, my dad's second eldest brother; my cousins from Aunt Baby, my dad's eldest sister and the third among them; and my cousins from Uncle Lito, the sixth among them, next to my father. We just had started to communicate more often since 2011, when Ate Girlie and Ate Gen (Uncle Lito's daughters) visited our home last 2011. We had a get-together dinner with Ate Janet and Kuya Rhex (Aunt Baby's eldest and youngest, respectively) and Kuya Raj (Uncle Jim's youngest son). I also grabbed that chance to introduce my long-time boyfriend (now husband) to them.

So, why didn't I invite them on our wedding even though we were already close?

1. Budget Issues.
   
   
   To be honest, we only spent 20,000 Php for everything---papers, rings, service fee, clothes and food for the guests. We had decided to spend just a small amount of money just to make our union legal. I mean no offense for those who can afford it, but we thought that it would be impractical to spend a hundred thousand pesos or more just to have an extravagant wedding when there were other things that we had to save for.
   
   
   Since we were already grown-ups and due to budget constraint, we decided not to invite our family members anymore; we just invited one of my hubby's co-teacher and our best friend. To serve as witnesses or "sponsors" (ninong/ ninang), we invited two of our boardmates and our best friend's parents.
   
   

2. It was not a church wedding.
   
   
   No offense to others but, in our case, I couldn't find any reason that  I had to wear an expensive wedding dress for just a few hours when we had been living together for many years before the actual wedding happened.
   
   
   After hearing from my friends and reading various articles and forums about church fees, I wondered why it has to be expensive. One of my friends told me that she and her fiancé paid eight to ten thousand pesos for the church fees and flowers for special wedding (one couple, not a mass wedding). If marriage is one of the important sacraments, why does it have to be expensive? Considering that many people go to church and give “alay” or offerings, why do couples have to spend that much? Can't the church accept donations, instead of fixed amounts? I think, in this way, many couples who cohabit will be encouraged to get married.
   
   
   Back to our case,it was just a simple, civil wedding, and definitely, not a solemn one. It was just a simple, five-minute wedding ceremony conducted by one of the Officiating Ministers from the National Statistics Office (NSO). Also, the wedding did not take place in a classy restaurant. We just reserved a table for ten for lunch at one of the restaurants in One E-Com (beside SM Mall of Asia). 
   
   
3. Family issues.
   
   
   It was really difficult if there are some issues with your family. First, religion. I told my husband that it would be difficult for me to abandon my faith, and he respected what I wanted. On the other hand, he was gradually having a second thought. 
   
   
   It was also difficult if parents try to meddle in your issues as couples. To be honest, his parents were against us. No, they were against me. I did not want to divulge the issue anymore but to make the story short, when my husband asked their permission, they immediately said “No”. He was already 27, I was 28, could you imagine that? Ironically, his parents never said “No” when we were still living-in together.

Because of that, we decided to tell my parents that we would just be inviting the sponsors and we would just be having a house party afterwards.

These were the problems that we had to face last year. We did not invite our parents anymore due to budget and some issues. I couldn't see any reason why I had to invite my cousins and other relatives as well. In addition, I couldn't see any reason why I had to tell anyone about my marital status; just take a look at FB and you would see.

Why do friends and relatives feel bad when they were not invited to someone's wedding? Couldn't they just think of the problems that the couples are facing? Preparing for wedding, although it is just “once in a lifetime” isn't that easy. Couples have to attend seminars, talk to the priest/mayor/officiant, fix some documents, call for reservations and spend a big amount of money.

I don't know how to tell my cousins about it in such a way that they will not be offended. Anyway, some of my friends and relatives were already married without inviting me but I was not offended, not at all. It's their decision. It's their most important day, therefore, they should be the ones to decide what kind of wedding they want, the place as well as the people whom they will be inviting.

If we were not invited to someone's wedding, let us put ourselves first in the couples' situation. I know that someone's presence is very important, but there were still some issues that they had to face.